hiking_soul

Recent discussions

• क्या Yellowstone का असली अनुभव बस यही है कि आपको लगातार हिदायतें दी जाती रहें कि क्या नहीं करना (और bison को मत छूना)?

  देखो, Yellowstone वस्तुनिष्ठ रूप से अद्भुत है। नज़ारा पागलपन भरा है: भाप छोड़ते इंद्रधनुषी रंगों के तालाब, कहीं से भी फूट पड़ने वाले geysers, कोहरे में घूमते bison के झुंड, जैसे किसी fantasy फ़िल्म का पहला दृश्य हो। पर Yellowstone जाने का असली अनुभव ज़्यादातर बस इतना है कि आपको तीखे लहज़े में हिदायतें दी जाती रहती हैं कि क्या-क्या नहीं करना।

• Zion est sublime — alors pourquoi le détesterez-vous quand même ?

  Zion est d'une beauté à fendre le cœur. En photo comme en vrai. Vous arrivez du désert et soudain tout change : falaises vertigineuses, jardins suspendus, rivières, peupliers, lumière du soleil qui rebondit sur la pierre rouge comme si le canyon tout entier avait sa propre lueur intérieure. Ça paraît véritablement biblique. Comme si vous étiez tombé par hasard sur le décor où les prophètes entendent des voix.

• Le parc de Saguaro n'a-t-il d'intérêt que si vous êtes la seule personne à adorer les cactus ?

  Le parc national de Saguaro, c'est en gros plusieurs heures de route à contempler une plante extrêmement déterminée. Déterminée à survivre là où les plantes ne survivent pas et où les humains ne devraient même pas envisager de vivre. Mais ça résume toute l'Arizona. Et il faut l'admettre, les saguaros sont impressionnants. Ils sont énormes. Certains ont deux cents ans. Mais au bout d'un moment, votre cerveau les range tous dans le même dossier mental…

• Je n'ai pas réalisé qu'on était arrivés au parc d'État d'Indiana Dunes parce qu'il n'y avait rien à réaliser

  Je n'ai rien contre Indiana Dunes. Ce qui m'agace, c'est qu'il se proclame parc national. J'imagine qu'il fallait bien donner un parc national à l'Indiana pour que chaque État se sente inclus. Vous entendez « parc national » et votre cerveau commence à se préparer à quelque chose de mythique : montagnes imposantes, forêts ancestrales, paysages qui bouleversent fondamentalement votre rapport à la géologie, à Dieu et à vous-même…

• Sulit pa ba ang Yosemite kung traffic simulator na muna bago mo maabot ang El Capitan?

  Nakakabighani ang Yosemite Valley. Sa kasamaang-palad, traffic simulator din ito. Kalahati ng bisita mo ay gugulin mo sa inutil na pagusad sa likod ng mga rental SUV habang iniiwasan mong masagi ang isang cyclist na nakadamit na parang kalahok sa Tour de France. Tapos sa wakas makababa ka na ng kotse at, oo, sige, hindi kapani-paniwala ang El Capitan at Half Dome. Makikita mo sila, pero HINDI mo aakyatin*

• A Caverna Mammoth sofre por ser bem-sucedida demais em ser uma caverna?

  É enorme. Historicamente importante. Geologicamente fascinante. E ao mesmo tempo meio chata. As mesmas características que a tornam o maior sistema de cavernas do mundo também fazem grandes trechos parecerem que alguém escavou um estacionamento de prédio público debaixo da terra. Tem sistemas de cavernas nos Apalaches que parecem livros de fantasia. A Mammoth muitas vezes parece um túnel de metrô inacabado.

• Por que eu nunca mais voltaria ao Arches?

  O Arches é honestamente ok. Ele entrega exatamente o que promete: tem arcos. Você com certeza recebe o que veio buscar, você e os outros milhares. Ah, você achou que ia ser um momento mágico no meio de arcos alienígenas? Pensa de novo.

• Magaganda man ang Zion, bakit nakakainis pa rin ito?

  Nakakadurog-puso ang ganda ng Zion. Sa mga litrato at sa totoo. Papasok ka mula sa disyerto at bigla, nagbabago ang lahat: matataas na bangin, hanging gardens, mga ilog, cottonwoods, sikat ng araw na tumatalbog sa pulang bato na parang ang buong canyon ay may sariling panloob na ningning. Talagang pakiramdam ay mala-biblikal. Parang aksidente kang napadpad sa lugar kung saan naririnig ng mga propeta ang mga tinig.

• क्या Arches दोबारा कभी जाने लायक़ है?

  Arches सच कहें तो ठीक-ठाक है। जो वादा करता है बिल्कुल वही देता है: यहाँ arches हैं। जो ढूँढने आए हो वो ज़रूर मिलेगा, आपको और बाक़ी हज़ारों लोगों को। ओह, आपको लगा था कि alien जैसी arches के बीच कोई जादुई पल मिलेगा? फिर से सोच लो।

• Is Saguaro just several hours of driving to admire one extremely committed plant?

  Saguaro National Park is basically several hours of driving around looking at one extremely committed plant. Committed to survive where plants don't and humans definitely shouldn't consider living. But that defines all of Arizona. And to be fair, the saguaros are impressive. They’re enormous. Some of them are two hundred years old. But eventually your brain starts categorizing all of them into the same mental folder labeled “big cactus. Look, it's a cactus. Just big and a bit weird

• Is a giant sequoia's size enough to make the whole park worth it?

  Look, the trees are huge. Credit where it’s due. They are extremely huge. The first time you see a giant sequoia, it genuinely messes with your sense of scale. You feel small in a meaningful, almost spiritual way, like you’ve briefly been reminded that human beings are basically decorative ants with opinions.

• Are the Great Smoky Mountains actually great, or just nice?

  Great Smoky Mountains National Park is pleasant. Forests, mountains, waterfalls, fog drifting through the trees, black bears wandering around looking vaguely unemployed. It’s nice. Just nice though.The Smokies are probably the most “default settings” national park in America. If you asked a child to draw nature, they’d accidentally recreate this place: mountains, trees, creeks, maybe a little cabin somewhere.

• Is Denali a national park, or an appointment a mountain refuses to keep?

  Denali feels less like visiting a national park and more like attempting to schedule an appointment with a mountain that does not respect you.First of all, there’s a very high chance you simply won’t see the mountain at all. Denali spends most of its life hiding behind clouds like a celebrity avoiding paparazzi. We're the paparazzi. People will visit, wait three days, spend thousands of dollars, and leave having technically experienced “weather near a mountain.”...

• Is Death Valley just an environmental hazard with signage?

  Death Valley feels less like a national park and more like an environmental hazard with signage. It's in the name and Europeans still book flights to the US to go and die here.

• Yellowstone is incredible, so why can't tourists behave around the bison?

  Look, Yellowstone is objectively incredible. The landscape is insane: steaming rainbow-colored pools, geysers erupting out of nowhere, herds of bison wandering through fog like the opening scene of a fantasy movie. But the actual experience of visiting Yellowstone is mostly just being aggressively instructed not to do things.

• Should Petrified Forest be renamed 'boring desert with logs'?

  This one is entirely my own fault for the high expectations. Maybe, if you lower yours you will like it. I heard “petrified forest” and imagined an ancient stone forest frozen in place like something from a dark fantasy movie. I did see pictures before I went but they looked like this one...

• Is Joshua Tree just desert spirituality for people from Los Angeles?

  Joshua Tree feels less like a national park and more like a place where someone’s ex moved to “find themselves.” The landscape looks exactly like what happens when a desert develops opinions that used to be mocked before cancel culture. Weird twisted trees. Piles of giant round rocks balanced at angles that look cool on Instagram. Every single corner of the park looks like it’s either a U2 album cover or the background of an overpriced skincare ad.

• Is Mammoth Cave too successful at being a cave to be interesting?

  It’s huge. Historically important. Geologically fascinating. Also somehow kind of boring. The same features that make it the longest cave system in the world also make large sections of it look like somebody hollowed out a government parking garage underground. There are cave systems in Appalachia that look like fantasy novels. Mammoth often looks like an unfinished subway tunnel.

• Is Rocky Mountain only worth visiting during a pandemic?

  Rocky Mountain National Park is gorgeous in the same way a 4K television demo is gorgeous. Everything looks fake. The lakes are too reflective, the mountains are too dramatic, the elk wander around with such perfect timing they feel computer-generated.

• Is Yosemite only great because it's in California?

  Yosemite Valley is stunning. Unfortunately, it is also a traffic simulator. You spend half your visit inching forward behind rental SUVs while trying not to sideswipe a cyclist dressed like they’re competing in the Tour de France. Then you finally get out of the car and, yes, okay, El Capitan and Half Dome are unbelievable. You see them, you will NOT climb them*

• Does Indiana Dunes deserve to call itself a National Park?

  I don’t dislike Indiana Dunes. I resent that it calls itself National Park. I guess someone had to give a National Park to Indiana so every state feels included. You hear “national park” and your brain starts preparing for something mythic: towering mountains, ancient forests, landscapes that fundamentally alter your relationship with geology, God and yourself. Then you arrive and realize you are at a reasonably nice beach near Gary, Indiana.

• Zion is genuinely stunning, so why will you still hate visiting?

  Zion is heartbreakingly beautiful. In pictures and in reality. You come in from the desert and suddenly everything changes: towering cliffs, hanging gardens, rivers, cottonwoods, sunlight bouncing off red stone like the entire canyon has its own internal glow. It genuinely feels biblical. Like you accidentally wandered into the location where prophets hear voices.

• Is Arches worth visiting once, let alone twice?

  Arches is honestly fine. It delivers exactly what it promises: there are arches. You definitely get what you seek, you and the thousands others. Oh you thought it was going to be a magical moment in between alien-arches? Think again.

• Is the Grand Canyon actually overrated?

  It looks exactly like the pictures. Great, now you’ve seen it. I’m not denying it’s impressive. It’s obviously impressive. There’s even a plaque there basically admitting: “Okay, fine, it’s not the biggest canyon in the world in any measurable category, but spiritually? Emotionally? Vibes-wise? It’s the grandest.” Sure. Why not.