Rocky Mountain National Park is gorgeous in the same way a 4K television demo is gorgeous. Everything looks fake. The lakes are too reflective, the mountains are too dramatic, the elk wander around with such perfect timing they feel computer-generated.
It’s almost irritatingly beautiful. Sadly, this time I'm right. It is beautiful, not much to roast...regarding the park itself.
Unfortunately, experiencing any of this requires surviving the park’s parking situation, which is the closest the National Park Service has come to creating a second civil war.
Trying to visit a popular trailhead in summer feels like competing in an open-world survival game where everyone arrived before sunrise and is already furious. Every parking lot is full. Every roadside pullout has someone attempting a seven-point turn in a Subaru Outback full of granola bars.
Rocky Mountain attracts an especially terrifying species of outdoor person: ultra-fit mountain-creatures called Tanner and Skylar who power-walk uphill at inhuman speeds while carrying trekking poles worth more than your monthly utilities. You’ll be dying at 11,000 feet while some retired ultramarathoner jogs past you smiling and discussing electrolyte.
The worst part is that the park absolutely deserves the hype. The scenery is unbelievable. But the entire experience feels less like “escaping into nature” and more like accidentally joining an extremely expensive outdoor performance culture and losing badly to everyone.