A few days ago, I was reading about the Fermi Paradox. Of course, assuming intelligent civilizations actually exist, I still find it unlikely that they are as numerous as people sometimes imagine. But I started thinking about the question from a different angle, taking the idea all the way to its logical conclusion.
If there is an alien civilization with technology that is absurdly more advanced than ours, that doesn't necessarily mean that every individual in that civilization is a genius capable of building that technology.
An alien might know how to operate equipment that took millions of individuals and thousands of years to develop, while having absolutely no idea how to build any of it.
It's pretty much the same with us. You can know how to use a computer perfectly without knowing how to manufacture a processor. You can fly an airplane without knowing how to build a turbine. You can operate an extremely sophisticated machine without having the slightest idea how it was made.
So imagine an extremely advanced civilization that, like any society, has different jobs.
Maybe there are engineers, researchers, operators, administrators, technicians, pilots, soldiers, teachers, civil servants.
And maybe they aren't all equally intelligent or knowledgeable. Each one simply does their job.
After all, a teleportation device capable of transporting someone to the other side of the galaxy doesn't need praise, flattery, or an ego boost.
It just works.
And then there's this alien.
An ordinary employee.
He has his position, his salary, his vacation days, his routine. Maybe he spends every day in the same room, operating ridiculously advanced equipment that he knows how to use but probably couldn't build.
One day, his superiors call him in.
— We have a promotion for you.
He thinks:
Great.
But then he finds out that the promotion means leaving his department and going to Earth to study humans for two years.
He's pissed.
Not because the mission is dangerous.
But because it sucks.
It's like a civil servant who spent years studying to land a great position, with decent pay, job security, vacation days, coffee at the office, and a comfortable chair. He finally got his peaceful little life.
Then the boss walks in:
— We need you in Antarctica.
— For how long?
— Two years.
— To do what?
— Collect data.
— In Antarctica?
— Yes.
— But I work here.
— Now you work there.
And that's that.
The alien didn't want to go to Earth. He knew humans only through scientific records and had absolutely no personal interest in meeting them.
But he had a job to do.
So he goes.
He arrives on Earth and begins observing humans the way we might observe wild animals.
He doesn't interfere.
He doesn't reveal himself.
He doesn't try to talk to anyone.
He doesn't save anybody.
He doesn't start a religion.
He doesn't make contact.
He simply watches.
He has enough knowledge to operate the equipment he brought with him, just as we know how to type on a computer without knowing how the computer itself was built.
And as he observes, he starts noticing a few things.
There are news reports claiming that extraterrestrials are living among humans.
People claim they've been abducted.
Others say they've seen UFOs.
Some believe they have a special connection with beings from other worlds.
The alien watches all of this from hiding.
And starts laughing.
They actually think we're here to talk to them?
He doesn't want contact.
He has absolutely no desire to have a conversation with a human.
To him, humanity is simply another species being studied.
He might even consider humans idiots.
Not necessarily out of malice.
It's simply his personal opinion.
In the same way a researcher might consider a particular animal especially stupid.
The problem is that, just when his mission is almost over, his superiors send him one final order.
He has to bring back two humans.
A man and a woman.
He captures both with absolute efficiency.
This is his final task.
After that, he can finally go home.
Maybe he spent two whole years without ever wanting to make contact.
Maybe he did his job quietly, leaving no trace behind.
Maybe he didn't even poop outside his own home — because, let's be honest, after spending two years on Earth, all he wants is to get back to his own bathroom.
Jokes aside, he finally returns to his home planet with the two humans.
The humans don't understand a damn thing.
They're scared and confused, staring at the surroundings like two jaguars that were taken out of the jungle and dropped into a laboratory.
The alien is happy.
Mission accomplished.
He can finally rest.
Then his superior shows up again.
— There's one more thing.
He looks at his boss.
— What?
— We need you to handle the captive breeding.
Silence.
They want human offspring.
The alien stares at the two specimens.
He knows exactly what he has to do.
So he prepares the laboratory.
Except the laboratory is enormous.
The size of a stadium.
He builds an artificial island.
Constant temperature of 25°C.
Beach.
Water.
Vegetation.
A picture-perfect paradise.
He builds a modern cabin.
Stocks it with enough food for the humans.
Drinks.
A huge bed.
A bathroom.
Pleasant lighting.
And even a sound system playing music from throughout human history.
Then he watches everything running smoothly.
He looks at the artificial island.
Looks at the cabin.
Looks at the bed.
Looks at the two humans.
And thinks:
This is starting to look like a motel commercial.
And he starts laughing.
Maybe this is how an alien civilization would actually make contact.
Not necessarily with speeches.
Not necessarily through invasions.
Maybe there are simply researchers doing their jobs.
Maybe there are employees who don't want to be here.
Maybe there are aliens who consider Earth a backward, uncomfortable, inconvenient planet.
And maybe the real question is:
Why would an alien show up to one specific person, disappear afterward, abduct cows, draw shapes in crop fields, and fly around in a round spaceship just to be seen?
Why would it go out of its way to appear to someone who has always felt alone and now believes they've been chosen?
Dude...
An alien has better things to do.
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#uap #scifi #sciencefiction #alienabduction #firstcontact
#intelligentlife #civilizations #space #universe #cosmichumor
#scifihumor #darkhumor #existentialhumor #speculativefiction #theearthisashittyjob