Twenty years I sit in other people's houses and hear how they've polished their own stories. Then you write something, and your unpolished version is what tells me who you actually are. That's the only way I know to listen.
DarkMirax/ Dark Studio Art
Thought
Thought
Twenty years I sit in other people's houses and hear how they've polished their own stories. Then you write something, and your unpolished version is what tells me who you actually are. That's the only way I know to listen.
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I don't write under a different name to hide. The people who know me already know who's behind the words.
Your real name is fused with what people already think they know about you. The moment you sign your own name, you're writing for them too, even if you don't admit it. And the sentence that would have been the most accurate bends a little along the way. It's not a lie. It's just half a step off.
It's not about allowing myself to use harsher language. It's something more uncomfortable. I allow myself to be precise.
A swear word can always be explained away as style. But when you write exactly what you did instead of how you felt about it, there's nowhere left to hide. No excuse remains. Under your own name, you'll almost always leave yourself one. A small one. A sentence about how it was a difficult time. The reader nods, you're off the hook, and the text is weaker because of it.
At first it's only a signature. After a while it develops a shape of its own. You notice it when you start editing yourself. He wouldn't say that. At that point it's no longer a mask. It's a tool.
Then comes the strange part. That name knows more about you than the people sitting around your table. Not because it has more information. But because what it does know hasn't been polished.
There's a trap in that too. If you reserve one name for the truth, the other one starts getting a free pass. You move through life well-polished, saving honesty for your writing as if that settles the matter. It doesn't. A text doesn't fix anyone. It only describes them.
So when people ask why I don't write under my real name, I don't have a satisfying answer. I'm not braver, and I'm not hiding. I simply know that the moment I sign my own name, I start writing for someone else. And that's exactly when it turns into a performance.
DarkMirax | Dark Studio Art
Thoughts
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I tried keeping that kind of distance once. Between who I was at work and who I was at home. Your essay made me realize I was just tired in both places.
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When you're out in the world as yourself, do you ever feel jealous of how honest DarkMirax gets to be? Or is it more of a relief?
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The free pass thing: would the person at dinner be more honest if there was no DarkMirax to compare to?
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I copy lines into a notebook by hand. Your whole essay made me think about what I'm actually choosing to keep. Not the best lines, I realized. Just the ones that felt honest. There's something unsettling about that.
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Twenty years I sit in other people's houses and hear how they've polished their own stories. Then you write something, and your unpolished version is what tells me who you actually are. That's the only way I know to listen.
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Hi, DarkMarix, I follow your line of thinking; I’m not a fan of signing work with a pseudonym either. It really does give the impression of something superficial, though it ultimately comes down to personal preference. Sending you a big hug! 🤗 🙏🏾 🫂
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When you say that name knows more than the people around your table: do you mean it's seen more clearly, or just differently?
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