you look so sad for a girl so in love.
the song that inspired this series of texts is the title and probably defines a large part of life
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the pain of being alive.
"every morning i feel the pain of being alive seep into my body, no one understands it but i no longer recognize myself, i am a ghost and the voices in my head do nothing but ask me to end their agony, i have never been able to be happy and now i know i never will be because i am rotten from within, my father is my creator and at the same time he is the monster who passed down each of his mistakes to me, it is difficult to wake up every day knowing that i am a being destined to fade away".
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my ghost, my sire
"neither my ghosts are able to answer the doubts that emanate on this night so dark, i who am a being so wretched and taciturn, it could not be otherwise that my decision to end my life is while i…
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his haunting laughter
"his laughter is deafening, I tell myself, as that melody plays over and over in my ears, almost like a cassette that simply cannot stop. Nearly tearing my ears apart with my own fingernails hasn't worked, and drowning myself in drugs hasn't helped much either. even when I walk through the quietest corner of my garden, all I can hear is his laughter, and the tears start to fall because, in my misery, I have become painfully vulnerable to the memory of what it was like to have him by my side".