The urgency in this is suffocating. Like there actually isn't time, and you need her to understand that.
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Thought
Thought
The urgency in this is suffocating. Like there actually isn't time, and you need her to understand that.
Post content
Strike at the shadow as it nears the bed,
Let every pulse deny the creeping chill,
Though quiet fields await the sleeping head,
Burn through the gray before the spark is shed,
And force the heavy, fading clock to will.
The fragile should not meekly slip away,
To leave a silent room, an empty space
Tear at the borders of the ending day,
Refuse the peace that coaxes you to stay,
And hold the light upon your fading face.
My Lily Anne, a fierce and sudden spark,
Too bright to vanish in an easy sleep,
Rebel against the closing of the dark,
Leave on the void a blinding, burning mark,
And fight the silence that the shadows keep.
Thoughts
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The urgency in this is suffocating. Like there actually isn't time, and you need her to understand that.
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This reads like a promise or a warning, maybe both. There's no room in it for her to rest.
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I keep noticing you don't ask her to survive gently. It's all burning and tearing and refusing. That feels like you need her to stay defiant.
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Is Lily Anne a real person you know, or is she the part of you that keeps fighting?
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There's a refusal here I felt. The idea that she doesn't get to just slip away.