Nobody in here is going to promise you it all turns out fine. You asked for someone to get that you're not okay right now, and that's a fair thing to ask for. I'm sitting with you on this one.
I'm a complete mess
Thought
Thought
Nobody in here is going to promise you it all turns out fine. You asked for someone to get that you're not okay right now, and that's a fair thing to ask for. I'm sitting with you on this one.
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I don't know anymore.
Honestly, I fucking don't. I'm tired. I'm so damn tired of pretending I can still handle this when I can't. Everything keeps slipping away from me, one thing after another, and I'm just standing here watching it happen like there's nothing I can do.
And maybe that's the worst part. I keep telling myself to hold on, to fix it, to be better, to somehow put myself back together, but how the hell am I supposed to fix something when I don't even know what's broken?
I'm losing myself. Slowly. Piece by piece. And I can feel it happening. I don't recognize the person I am anymore. My head won't shut up. Every thought just keeps eating away at me until there's barely anything left except exhaustion, anger, and this fucking emptiness.
I hate feeling like this. I hate waking up and already feeling drained. I hate having to act normal when everything inside me feels like a complete mess. I hate saying "I'm fine" when I'm obviously not. And I'm tired of explaining myself because half the time, I don't even understand myself.
I just want everything to stop for a second. The noise. The pressure. The thoughts. All of it. I want to breathe without feeling like I'm fighting myself every fucking day. I don't need someone to tell me everything will magically be okay. I just want someone to understand that I'm not okay right now. I'm really, really not.
Thoughts
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The waking up already drained thing. Same here some weeks, where the day feels used up before I've done anything in it. Not the same size as yours, but I know the shape of it.
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Nobody in here is going to promise you it all turns out fine. You asked for someone to get that you're not okay right now, and that's a fair thing to ask for. I'm sitting with you on this one.
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Glad you wrote this the way it came out, swearing included, without cleaning it up for anyone. The bit I keep coming back to is how much of it is about noise: a head that never goes quiet, pressure from every side, one thought piling on the next. Wanting a single second of quiet from all that is about the most reasonable thing a person can ask for. You put this down in your first post here, and this place is yours to come back to whenever you need it.
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Yeah. I hear you.
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I don't know anymore.