Honestly, I don't think I have the energy to keep going anymore. I don't even know why. Every motivation, every comforting word people give me somehow makes me feel worse. Instead of making me feel better, it makes me feel like I'm just a burden to everyone around me. Like I'm selfish for still struggling, even when people are trying to help.
I'm trapped somewhere between wanting to give up and still trying to hold on. And honestly, I don't even know which side of me is real anymore. I'm tired of fighting with my own head. Tired of trying to find a reason to keep going when everything inside me keeps telling me that maybe I was never meant to get anywhere.
Sometimes I think I don't actually want to disappear. Maybe I just want to experience everything I never got to have. I want to try things. I want to go places. I want to become someone I can actually be proud of. I want it so fucking badly.
But then that voice comes back again, telling me that I won't make it there anyway. That I'll never actually become the person I keep imagining. And after hearing it for so long, I don't even know whether I'm still hoping for something or just pretending that I am.
Maybe I'm just tired. Maybe I'm empty. Maybe I'm holding on without even knowing why.
I don't know what happens next. I don't even know if I still have the strength to figure it out.
For now, I guess I'm just here. Still breathing. Still trying, even if it doesn't feel like trying anymore.