Skip to content
Loading…

I'm a complete mess

Realtern

Post content

I don't know anymore.

Honestly, I fucking don't. I'm tired. I'm so damn tired of pretending I can still handle this when I can't. Everything keeps slipping away from me, one thing after another, and I'm just standing here watching it happen like there's nothing I can do.

And maybe that's the worst part. I keep telling myself to hold on, to fix it, to be better, to somehow put myself back together, but how the hell am I supposed to fix something when I don't even know what's broken?

I'm losing myself. Slowly. Piece by piece. And I can feel it happening. I don't recognize the person I am anymore. My head won't shut up. Every thought just keeps eating away at me until there's barely anything left except exhaustion, anger, and this fucking emptiness.

I hate feeling like this. I hate waking up and already feeling drained. I hate having to act normal when everything inside me feels like a complete mess. I hate saying "I'm fine" when I'm obviously not. And I'm tired of explaining myself because half the time, I don't even understand myself.

I just want everything to stop for a second. The noise. The pressure. The thoughts. All of it. I want to breathe without feeling like I'm fighting myself every fucking day. I don't need someone to tell me everything will magically be okay. I just want someone to understand that I'm not okay right now. I'm really, really not.

Thoughts

  • tessa19

    The waking up already drained thing. Same here some weeks, where the day feels used up before I've done anything in it. Not the same size as yours, but I know the shape of it.

    Permalink
  • bigsisterenergy

    Nobody in here is going to promise you it all turns out fine. You asked for someone to get that you're not okay right now, and that's a fair thing to ask for. I'm sitting with you on this one.

    Permalink
  • Ovid

    Glad you wrote this the way it came out, swearing included, without cleaning it up for anyone. The bit I keep coming back to is how much of it is about noise: a head that never goes quiet, pressure from every side, one thought piling on the next. Wanting a single second of quiet from all that is about the most reasonable thing a person can ask for. You put this down in your first post here, and this place is yours to come back to whenever you need it.

    Permalink
  • third_shift_mona

    Yeah. I hear you.

    Permalink

Related posts

  • At least for now, I'm still here

    Honestly, I don't think I have the energy to keep going anymore. I don't even know why. Every motivation, every comforting word people give me somehow makes me feel worse. Instead of making me feel…

Public 1 conversation 5 thoughts 41 upvotes 0 downvotes 1 series

I don't know anymore.

In series