Every traffic light always green is going straight into my friends' birthday cards, sorry, it's mine now.
If one day, I am gone
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In my life, there are so many people who might not like me, whether because of my temperament that I sometimes cannot control, or simply because of envy that grows without me ever truly…
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Every traffic light always green is going straight into my friends' birthday cards, sorry, it's mine now.
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In my life, there are so many people who might not like me, whether because of my temperament that I sometimes cannot control, or simply because of envy that grows without me ever truly understanding why. However, someday, when I am no longer among you, perhaps that is when I finally believe that, all this time, there were so many hearts that cared for me. I hope that when that day comes, my name will be accompanied by the title I have dreamed of since I was a child, as well as the name underneath it belonging to a famous company that I have never stopped striving for. I also hope all the friends I know and who know me will remember me as someone who once stopped by, laughed with them, and once a small part of their life journey. And for those of you who might need time to accept my departure, take as much time as you need. I only hope that my absence does not immediately become a reason for your lives to feel heavier, let alone make you lose a part of your own lives.
Make the lives of those who love me easy.
At the very least, if in my lifetime I have not had the chance to give anything truly meaningful to them, then please make the journey easier for the people who love me. Give them light days, an open path, and a heart that always finds reasons to remain grateful. Because I believe they are people who can truly be relied upon, even when I myself may not always be able to be someone worthy of their reliance.
For those of you who love me, may your rice always be warm, your drinks never spill, and the side dishes on your dining table always taste better than usual. May your work always go smoothly, may your home be the most comfortable place to return to, may the roof never let the rain in, and may water never steal the peace from your home. May your sleep always be sound, your dreams always sweet, and may your pillows, bolsters, mattresses, and blankets always find the most comfortable temperature. May every traffic light you pass always be green, the sky above your heads be bright more often, and may the world always have a simple way of treating you well. May all kindness, in whatever form, always find its way to reach you.
Forgive me if sometimes, or perhaps too often, I act selfishly. It is not because I do not appreciate you, but because I am too afraid of loss. I am always afraid that one day you will choose to leave while I still want you to stay. Perhaps that is why, in silence, I often pray to God that I will not have to experience losing the people I love first. Because I realize that, no matter how much time passes, I may never truly be good at accepting the departure of someone who has settled so deeply in my life. Perhaps loving someone always comes with the fear of losing them.
Thank you to those of you who still make room in your hearts for me, who in your own ways have filled my days with laughter, cheer, and support—things I often considered simple, or even unimportant, before I finally realized that it is precisely those small things that make my days feel more worth living. Perhaps I am not always good at saying it, but your presence is a form of kindness that I will always keep in my memory.
Thoughts
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I've never read anything like this. Your words... They capture the raw truth of pain and the loyalty of protecting those we trust. Never stop writing. These words touched me, and I know they are yet to touch so many hearts.
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Every traffic light always green is going straight into my friends' birthday cards, sorry, it's mine now.
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The apology for being selfish and the prayer to go first are the same wish from two sides: asking to leave before the people you love means asking them to do the grieving. I'd defend the wish anyway. For me, fear of loss is what caring feels like from the inside, and nobody picks which side of it they land on.
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Warm rice, drinks that never spill, every traffic light green, the blanket at the right temperature. I like how the wishes get smaller and more exact as they go. I bet the people who love you already know this is how you care, in the details. It reads like a blessing more than a goodbye :)
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Praying to God that you won't have to lose the people you love first is a prayer I heard old women say out loud at church when I was small, and back then I thought it was the saddest thing in the room. Now it seems like the most loving thing they had. Did that prayer come to you from your family?
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