The ten minutes watching your mother's face for the pain she won't say out loud, I recognise that. I do a version of it in the houses I work in, reading a face because the person has stopped telling you straight. The walking into the wrong building because your mind went somewhere else, I know that one too. Who do you have that watches your face the way you watch theirs?
The quite noise inside me
Thought
Thought
The ten minutes watching your mother's face for the pain she won't say out loud, I recognise that. I do a version of it in the houses I work in, reading a face because the person has stopped telling you straight. The walking into the wrong building becaus
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I Don’t Know Where I Go These Days
If I smile at a joke these days,
I wonder if it’s even my smile…
or just a reaction my face has learned to give.
Sometimes someone makes me laugh,
and for a few seconds,
my smile reaches my eyes…
but then,
within moments,
it fades away,
like my happiness remembered
it wasn’t supposed to stay.
If I’m hurt,
if I cry,
if someone breaks a little piece of me…
after the tears fall,
I sit there and laugh at myself.
Not because it’s funny,
but because I don’t know
what else to do with all these feelings.
I walk on roads,
but I’m rarely there.
My body moves forward,
while my mind disappears somewhere else.
sometimes I enter the wrong building,
and only later I realize…
Where was I?
Where do I go
when I leave the moment I’m living?
When there is a fight at home,
I don’t just hear the anger.
I look at my mother’s face
for ten straight minutes,
trying to understand
the pain she doesn’t say out loud.
When my father’s mood is low,
I watch his silence,
his tired eyes…
And I keep asking myself,
“What can I do for him?”
“When will I become strong enough
to take away some of his worries?”
“When will I be able to free him
from the responsibilities
he has carried for so long?”
I listen to songs,
but I don’t just listen…
I feel every word,
every beat,
every hidden emotion…
until sometimes
a simple song becomes a reason to cry.
If I spend a little extra with friends,
or if I like a dress online…
I look at the price
and start thinking a hundred things.
Why?
When I know
I have enough.
Why does my mind
turn every small choice
into a heavy decision?
Maybe I’m not tired of life…
Maybe I’m tired
of carrying everything I feel.
Maybe my heart is just too loud,
and my mind never knows
when to be quiet.
I don’t know where life is going these days…
I only know
I’m trying to find myself
somewhere between overthinking,
caring too much,
and forgetting to care for me.
Thoughts
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The ten minutes watching your mother's face for the pain she won't say out loud, I recognise that. I do a version of it in the houses I work in, reading a face because the person has stopped telling you straight. The walking into the wrong building because your mind went somewhere else, I know that one too. Who do you have that watches your face the way you watch theirs?
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I don't know where I go when I leave the moment I'm living. My body keeps moving forward, but my mind disappears somewhere else. I carry other people's pain, overthink every little thing, and forget to care for myself. Maybe I'm not tired of life. Maybe I'm just tired of carrying everything I feel.