I hope I’m wrong, but I’ve already been let down three times. I’ve already mentioned the most recent one… Let’s start with the first. She was a young woman with short black hair, sharp features, a voice… (I can’t remember) and a personality… (this I do remember) that was all over the place. Confused in general, yet on specific topics such as (progressive) politics, she had ‘firm’ opinions. However, her most obvious characteristics were her shyness and the fact that she was easily influenced; in fact, ‘susceptible’. Oh, I almost forgot, she was quite short. (She would actually get annoyed if I mentioned this detail).
I’d met her about four years ago; we were much younger than we are now. Initially, we didn’t have much contact with one another, separated by a corridor’s length between our classrooms. During that time, in the few conversations we had, I was unaware of her interest in me: I didn’t possess particularly good ‘interpersonal skills’. I was surprised when I realised this; I was scruffy and didn’t care much about my appearance (even more so than I do now). I wasn’t interested, but I noticed her persistence in seeking me out. During a chance encounter – in one of those crowded, everyday places – she suddenly asked for my number; I gave it to her without a second thought. And so, we started chatting more often, which, as a result, brought us closer to reciprocating our feelings for one another. Let me say straight away, we were dating; we couldn’t go public, and neither of us was willing to ‘put ourselves out there’. Unfortunately, that year eventually came to an end; we didn’t say goodbye, let alone keep in touch.
After a whole year – which, I must say, was ‘packed’ with interesting memories to be shared here at a later date – the following year… his pettiness became clear before my very eyes. (It really did annoy me.) When his sudden reappearance actually caught up with me, I was already attending the first lesson of that year, taught by a lecturer… Somewhat… (it’s not relevant). That was indeed a turbulent, irritating and embarrassing period, one in which I intend to lay bare my ‘relationship’: since we had returned to the same situation as before, and even though I possessed better interpersonal skills (not even a third of what I have now), I was unable to meet her expectations, particularly regarding ‘what I ought to be’, in her view, of course. It’s already clear that it didn’t last beyond August of that final year, when she left.
Ah, I think I’ve left out quite a lot of my thoughts, mainly because I’ve been brief. (My dear, could you bring yourself to trust me?). She used to drink alcohol, even though she was very young, as well as constantly going out with her friends. Me, a ‘homebody’. I still have her contact details, but I don’t dare send her anything else (because I’ve already done so, just once).
She hates the rain; moreover, these years have been marked by intense heatwaves. There would hardly be any rain. Or even the beloved I mentioned earlier.