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Is my self-loathing rooted in racism?

mosquitolarva
Public 2 conversations 5 thoughts 33 upvotes 44 downvotes 0 series 210 views

The beautiful, enigmatic Northeast, the Seven Sisters and their adopted sibling Sikkim, with their hills and valleys and cool forests. The many tribes, the cuisine, and of course, the lovely Northeasterners, fetishized by mainland Indians.

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Thought

maybe_im_wrong

The 'Fair and Lovely' rebranding is so dark. We're literally telling our kids their skin is a problem to solve. That hits different.

The 'Fair and Lovely' rebranding is so dark. We're literally telling our kids their skin is a problem to solve. That hits different.

Discussion content

This is a rather shameful thing to talk about, I'm glad I'll remain anonymous.

Racism is most definitely disgusting and inhumane. While we have that established, we must also be conscious of how we have normalized it in our day to day lives. We stay out of the sun whispering, "Heatstroke, sunburn!", and while that is a real fear in these horrid Indian summers, we cannot deny that nagging fear of tanning. The obsession with pale, "fair" skin, a remnant of our colonial past. Now the descendants of our colonizers burn themselves at beaches in bikinis to get that lovely golden tan in, while way too many Indian women still grab hoodies, scarves and coats to protect themselves from tanning as well as ogling and rub in "Fair and Lovely" or rather, "Glow and Lovely", as they have rebranded themselves, to stay as "white" as possible. Many songs, even in this day and age, sing of fair skinned women breaking hearts. This is India. We are a variety of terrains, regions, cultures, languages, and of course, skin tones.
Now that we are speaking of variety, let me usher in one of the main guests of my essay, the Northeast of India. The beautiful, enigmatic Northeast, the Seven Sisters and their adopted sibling Sikkim, with their hills and valleys and cool forests. The many tribes, the cuisine, and of course, the lovely Northeasterners, fetishized by mainland Indians. They fit that toxic "Indian" beauty standard of pale skin, after all. I remember being called an "Asian baddie" once, by one of my fellow Indians. My friend, you are Asian too. We are South Asians, and that's basic geography. Asian women have long been fetishized by the West, and by "Asian" they mean only East Asians. The youth of India have an odd sort of yearning to be as "American" as possible, unconsciously, most of the time, and the nearest thing we have to the ABGs or Asian Baby Girls as they say in the West. As for the Northeastern men, they have become more popular with the advent of everything 'K'. K-pop, k-dramas, and the koreaboos. Unless, of course, you don't fit that specific ABG or K-beauty standard or you have the audacity to reject the advances of a Mainland Indian, in which case you're obviously Chinese, a Nepali momo seller, a parlour wali, and you are responsible for bringing the coronavirus to India.
I am half Northeastern and half Southern Indian, but I was often told I looked more Northeastern. I began to take an odd sort of pride in this, and would fantasize about being fully Northeastern(my skin is crawling as I remember this time period). I have lived in the mainland my entire life, and consider it my primary home, and I never really hit it off with Northeastern kids who weren't already my relatives. That I will put down to Northeasterners being generally reserved, a quality I haven't got. This has left me with a sort of insecurity that only surfaces around Northeastern people, a mild feeling of being "less" digs me in the ribs. I say mild now, it was worse when I was younger. I am not Northeastern enough, so would it be alright for me to talk to them? Will they realize I'm partly like them? Will they accept me? An odd need to impress them enough for them to "claim" me. I disgust myself sometimes :(

Thoughts

  • maybe_im_wrong

    The 'Fair and Lovely' rebranding is so dark. We're literally telling our kids their skin is a problem to solve. That hits different.

    Permalink
  • Ovid

    Not sure it'd be racism though. Beauty standards and aims are going to be there anyway no? Say that it's not to be lighter skin, but rather any other trait. Would you consider that racism?

    Also, i feel the aim for lighter skin does not come from colonial and inter-race coexistance, but rather due to relating it with nobility or richer gentry. Paler = Not working outside, hence rich.

    Permalink
  • nodding_along

    That last line about disgust, I felt that. The fact you can name this, even the messy parts, is clarity, not shame. That takes guts.

    Permalink

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