Sex is underestimated by everyone. If it were really that good, nobody would ever leave the house. People like talking about sex more than actually having sex.
If an orgasm lasts six to eight seconds, why can a headache last more than six hours? Simple: function. An orgasm has a function that we value much more than a headache, but a headache is more serious: it can be a sign that something is wrong with the body.
Men and women are the same in this regard. Both try to control desire as if it were a contract. They cling to any form of affection. Then they fantasize about the person they went out with the night before, imagining scenarios, unspoken words, possibilities that never happened. Nobody said anything, and nobody can read anyone else's mind.
We suffocate the person who lent themselves to us for a moment of loneliness. They never made any commitment. Nothing was promised. But the more sensitive person becomes deluded. Then they complain, talk badly about the other person behind their back, and don't understand why that person doesn't want to talk to them anymore. But they never promised anything.
It's like borrowing a screwdriver. We think the person gave us the screwdriver when, in reality, they only lent it to us. And we need to give it back without complaining, because it was borrowed, not given. But we become deluded and start wanting the entire toolbox.
Intimacy with someone is not ownership. A shared moment does not create a debt.
You have to say what you want so the other person can understand. You have to ask, talk, and establish boundaries. Men and women are the same in this regard: some people can say what they want; others can't. Some understand a moment for what it was. Others turn an instant into a promise.
And perhaps that is where the problem lies: we confuse what happened with what we wish had happened.
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