FEAR
In everyone’s life, there are certain moments that change the way we see trust, love, and relationships. Some experiences make us stronger, while some silently turn trust into fear… fear of getting attached or getting close to someone.
I also went through something like that—not just once, but many times. Every time I trusted someone and opened my heart, I ended up learning a painful lesson that made me step back and think whether staying alone is actually better than getting close to anyone.
It makes me wonder… why does something that feels so genuine at the beginning always end up teaching distance at the end?
“Sometimes experience teaches you what trust alone cannot.”
It’s not about love. It’s about the friends I trusted with my whole heart, and ended up getting hurt.
We all get hurt when we give our full effort, time, and care to that one special person, and in return, receive nothing. It’s not that we expect something back for giving our love, time, and everything… but somewhere deep inside, we all wish our feelings are valued the same way we give them.
Because what hurts the most is not the effort we gave, but the realization that it meant nothing to the other person.
“Sometimes the hardest lesson is learning that not everyone you care for will care the same way.”
And slowly, that’s how trust turns into distance… and closeness turns into fear.
In my college days, me and my gang went on a college tour to Kodaikanal in February. It was one of those memories that looked happy from the outside, but felt different inside.
For me, all my members were the same as family. I treated them like my own people, without any difference. But in their view, I was just a girl in the class… someone who was there, but not really “important” in the same way.
I realized this later. And when I slowly started understanding that I was just an option in everyone’s life, I began to distance myself from them. I stopped talking much. I slowly isolated myself, not because I hated them, but because I felt I didn’t truly belong where I thought I did.
I used to fight for them, pray for them, and care for them more than myself. For me, they were more important than anything else. I always believed in them, stood by them, and gave my full heart without thinking twice.
But life showed me something different… that everyone has their important person in life. And slowly, I understood that I was not that person in theirs.
Like this, there were many incidents in my life. Slowly, my heart started turning into stone. Because there was no one who made me feel like I was important to them.
Now I have accepted it. It’s okay… everyone has their own wish to be with someone they consider important in their life. I console myself by saying that maybe they don’t know my worth.
But deep inside, it still hurts… because I never asked for much. I just wanted to feel like I mattered to someone, the same way I made them matter to me.
“Sometimes we learn to accept pain, not because it doesn’t hurt, but because we have no choice.”
But even after everything, a small part of me still believes that not everyone will make me feel this way. Maybe there are people who will understand my silence, value my presence, and see my worth without me trying too hard.
I don’t know when or how, but I hope one day I will meet those kind of people. Until then, I am learning to live with what I have… and heal from what I lost.