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Can I really hate kids?

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Can I really be Cruel?

So it's been 2 months.. to get out of my comfort zone and to have some pocket money.. i start tutoring a 3 grader boy.. I was reluctant at first.. as I get nervous easily.. I was really scared at first that what if I do a mistake.. I am kinda scared that people will judge me for my every move.. and that what made me slow at every stop.. but eventually it's going well.. I am still kinda nervous though whenever I go to their house but the kid is sweet.. he don't have a front tooth yet still smiles so brightly that i forgot that he didn't do a homework and pass him a smile instead of punishing him.. oh lord.. what am I to do when he smiles so brightly and cutely? His parents are really strict on him on everything and don't even let him out much.. I am scared he will become like me..but I can't do anything.. how can I talk against his parents when I can't even talk for myself? Maybe he'll grow up fine.. I hope so.. so I was on the kid.. so sometimes I still give him punishment with a clenched heart.. like last time I told him to be a "chicken" well yeah.. crouching down with his both of hands stretch from between his legs and hold his ears with them.. well he was laughing.. so am I.. but it did kinda work a little.. even after the punishment and hard studying pressure he still comes out to see me out everytime with a big smile.. as if I didn't just give him a punishment.. kids are really innocent.. i just hope he grow up well.

Thoughts

  • same_energy_lol

    this nervousness you're feeling, i get it. you care enough to worry you're messing it up, and that's like, the opposite of messing it up.

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  • MaisyDrum

    you're clearly being kind to this kid, honestly. he comes back smiling because he feels safe with you.

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  • Ovid

    Actually ,reading your text I'm convinced you'll grow up yourself to be a great parent. It's the people that wonder if they are or not good influences to kids that end up being the best. Great writing. You sound like a great person

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  • maybe_im_wrong

    worrying he'll become like you - i felt that. knowing your own struggle and fearing he'll inherit it, there's a weight to that.

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  • nodding_along

    that image of him without a front tooth, smiling so bright. that's the line i'm going to think about all week.

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  • just_curious_tho

    where did the 'chicken' punishment come from? did his parents teach it or did you make it up? seems clever because it's not mean.

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