Farewells are always difficult, we’re not going to deny that. There’s always the belief that it’s a “see you later,” something that gives you hope, but never comes to fruition. It’s a blurred vision, a tear-stained face, and a pair of dry lips. It’s a mountain of memories and feelings that go straight into a drawer, one that never quite closes. It’s a kiss that never happened, a word that was never said, or a hug that didn’t feel warm enough to make you take a little longer to close that door you… opened?
When did we fail to realize that it was going to end like this? That everything was going to come to such a painful end, at least for me, that I even had to find a way to express myself on a blank sheet of paper, something I never quite understood how it could help channel all of this. A pain that is there, and an emptiness that can be felt at every moment. Waking up and knowing there’s no message from you, knowing that it’s not that you stayed asleep a little longer, taking advantage of that free morning, but that you simply don’t text anymore. That you don’t text me anymore.
It’s impossible to describe everything that goes through my mind. And of course, there are so many things I used to do with the motivation of a little kid, but now I can’t find a genuine reason to go back to them. The reason behind a happy morning, an exciting trip, an anxious wait.
How sad today is, but how sincere. The desperate need for you to tell me no. To tell me that there wasn’t going to be a kiss while waiting for the bus anymore, that I wasn’t going to feel the deliberate warmth of a hand that timidly crossed paths with mine, slowly intertwining with it, reminding me of the best moment, making me feel that, for one second, everything was exactly as it was supposed to be. That it was the way it had been. That it was the last time.