Roasts

Discussions

• Does twelve weeks of classes make you a boxer?

  Twelve weeks ago this man could not skip rope without garroting himself. He has now decided he is a boxer, the way you become a sommelier by finishing a bottle. The wraps come off at brunch with the reluctance of a soldier removing his medals.

• Is karate the only martial art you can master without ever being touched?

  Karate is the most photogenic martial art ever invented, and that is the first clue. It is built around fighting people who are not there, breaking objects that agreed to be broken, and sparring that ends the instant anyone makes contact. You can earn a black belt without ever once absorbing a consequence.

• Is wrestling the only martial art too tired to start a cult around itself?

  Every martial art eventually grows a religion. Karate gets the kata and the invisible attackers. Jiu jitsu gets the lineage tree, the belt with a man's whole soul stitched into it, the professor. Krav maga gets the cope about being too deadly to spar. Kung fu gets a guy who can drop you with chi from across a parking lot, allegedly, when no cameras are running. Aikido gets the dojo where everyone has agreed in advance to fall down. Each one builds a little temple and sells tickets.